Why It’s OK to Not Always Be OK.

If you asked how the last two weeks have been for me, I’d say well, it has been an odd old fortnight.

We are now in the second month of 2019 and I am not quite sure how we got here. I had a super frantic start to the year; work was busy, I was throwing myself in to blogging, trying to get to the gym more than twice a week, lose the few pounds put on over Christmas, get my head around Brexit, remember to paint my nails, do the food shop and not forget the cold meat and pears, help my family deal with sorting the house, reply to text messages and just generally try to keep a lot of balls up in the air. Ho-hum.

And I’ll be completely honest with you; it all got a bit much. This last week in particular has been a toughie, not helped by Mother Nature rearing her beautiful, majestic head and wreaking havoc with the old hormones, as only she can.
This, combined with feeling kinda rubbish in myself, has led to a small but distinct drop in feeling like I’m on top of it all. For the past week, I haven’t really managed, I haven’t felt myself and generally had an unpleasant amount of self-doubt in my mind which I frankly don’t have any time for, thanks very much.

It got me thinking about why we inherently feel the need to seem like we are bossing it irrespective of how we are actually feeling on the inside. This semblance of ‘I’ve got my shit together’ can be a thin veil that, without due care, all too easily slips if you don’t take time for yourself.

7th of February is Time to Talk Day, an annual campaign by mental health charity Time to Change which highlights the importance of a conversation; simply talking with another human being over a cuppa tea and biccie, joining a friend on a walk or even chatting to someone in the corridor about the cold weather we are having can make such a huge difference to someone’s well-being. Asking ‘how are you today?’ can turn someone’s day around for the better.

A brilliant campaign by a brilliant charity.

It took such a conversation with my best friend in the world to for me to realise what had been bothering me.

I had thrown my all into starting 2019 with a bang and in focusing so much on being literally aflame with passion and drive that my little fire had just burnt out.

I had gone whole hog on making this blog work, bossing it in my paid job and trying to keep on top of everything else that I just became a bit overwhelmed. I had no idea how much I needed this conversation until we were smack bang in the middle of it and discussing my proudest achievement, why my creative drive sometimes fizzles into flakiness, how I can harness my passion for equality and turn it into a tangible outlet that not only fulfills me but may also help improve the life of my fellow woman. Like I said, it was a heck of a convo.

The past two weeks has made me realise that is OK to not always be OK. There is no shame in asking for help, opening up to a partner, friend, family member, work colleague, medical professional or confidante; taking time to talk to someone when you need it can make the world of difference.
This conversation took place on a Friday date night, two spiced rums and diet cokes in and rising to the occasion of, I kid you not, a bridge of sushi. At the end of two mad weeks, we sat and chatted and laughed and decided that I shouldn’t put pressure on myself, shouldn’t force myself into doing something that doesn’t feel right and that I should always, always do what makes me happy. And ate all the sushi, naturally.

Bridge over troubled sushi; always a good route to take.

I should write for this blog when I feel like it, eat that entire Chocolate Orange and enjoy it, touch my squishy tum with pride, walk the dog who always fills my heart with joy, paint my nails in different colours just because I can, find my own way to do my little part in helping people, take on the patriarchy, practice my Welsh really, really loud in the car (“Sut dych chi? Da iawn, diolch!”),  fight for gender equality on a daily basis, drink copious amounts of wine with my best friends and watch The Marvellous Mrs Maisel with the boyfriend  in our pjs and laugh out loud, heck even snort frivolously, without a care in the world.

Happy lady with happy dog.

This constant over-thinker is now going to make the point of trying not to worry and if worrying does occur, I will try to not let the little thoughts get the better of me.

I need to remember my own mantra of YOU. GOT. THIS. GIRL. I seriously feel like a type this lot but I am 100% OK with it.

I hope your past two weeks have been filled with joy, laughter and conversations. Smile, say hello, ask someone how they are and have a good old chin wag. You never know how much that person may really appreciate that you took the time to talk.



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